last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
