I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Randomize
