Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
