She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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