You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
