I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
vagina is talking i cant
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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