Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You peed on a flamingo?!?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
