maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You are a genius and a whore.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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