ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
