My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize