Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
