Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my shit smells like andre
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
