I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
