I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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