If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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