okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
