I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
