were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize