Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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