Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
