i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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