last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So I just went to clothing optional bar
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
