i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
