i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
