Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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