There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
