I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
