what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
