There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
