I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
