Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
