I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
