I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize