there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
