I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
