I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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