A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
