i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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