Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
