no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
