apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
