Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
