I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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