I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize