Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
