my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just gift wrapped bread.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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