The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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