3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My liver just had a heart attack.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
