I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
