i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize
