Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
