Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize