Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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