Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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