I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
