you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this will be a night to untag.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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