Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
