Non-Jews are for practice
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
