she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
