Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
