this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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