Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
