Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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