I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
