The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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