i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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