i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've blown a few things in my day
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
