never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
