In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My ATM looks so different sober.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
