I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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