Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
