I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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