Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
