bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
