I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
