he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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