Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
