remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
