You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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