i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
