Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
