Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
