I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
