am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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