I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
