Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
