First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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