I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
