I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
