Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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