I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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