I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
