Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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