my mouth tastes like poor choices
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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