Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
