I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
