And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize