It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
