dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
