I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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