My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
