Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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