Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
