I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
