Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
