Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
